


home, but not a house

by nctucomeback



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Depression, Growing Up Together, Homophobia, Insecurity, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Xenophobia, its really sad but it ends well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 18:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13253790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nctucomeback/pseuds/nctucomeback
Summary: minghao is a loser. at least that's what all the other kids say. junhui tries his best to protect him. it's only what best friends do, right? but jun can't protect him from himself.





	home, but not a house

**Author's Note:**

> rlly bad at summaries but i worked really really hard on this so thank you for reading!! this really made me sad to write but i think it turned out well, thank you!

minghao is in first grade and is new at school. he sits in the front row of seats and his teacher is so kind to him. he does all his homework and he’s already made a friend from the playground (his name is mingyu. ’haha we’re both ming!’ the puppy-like boy laughed.) minghao sits in class, coloring during their indoor recess (it was a rainy fall day,) and listens offhandedly to the kids around him talking.

“did you see how cool junhui looked today?”

“his new superman backpack is so cool!!”

“i wish i was him, he’s really pretty…”

minghao has no idea who junhui is, but he wants to, so he could see his superman backpack. he looks at the superman bandaid on his elbow and wishes they would think he was cool too. he returns to coloring for a while. the picture is him alone, playing ball. he thinks it looks cool. 

he realizes he has an urgent need to use the bathroom. he squeaks and raises his tiny chubby-fingered hand to get his teacher’s attention. 

“yes, minghao?” mrs. han chimes from her desk. she smiles really pretty, and reminds him of his mama. he stutters a little but manages to ask to use the restroom in chinese-accented korean. a few other kids laugh at the way his words sound and he lowers his head in embarrassment. mrs. han gives them a stern look and praises minghao for his perfect grammar. “here’s the bathroom pass honey, be careful and hurry back!” 

he thanks her with a bow and quickly makes his way through the halls. he turns the corner, seeing a group of boys in front of the bathroom door. 

“excuse me please i have to go.” he says as he tries to step past them. he feels a hand on his shoulder and realizes it wouldn’t be that easy. 

“why don’t you go back to china and go pee?” one of the big kids spits at him. they had been making fun of him since he started at school. “chinese people have to pee in the bucket over there, sorry.” they all point and laugh at minghao, standing with crossed legs.

“please, let me in…” minghao says, crossing his legs tighter. his eyes start to tear up, and he knows he can’t hold it much longer.

“aww look, the ugly baby’s gonna cry!” the biggest kid of them all steps forward and pushes him down. he falls back, landing on his butt. he tries to catch himself but his head taps the floor. he feels warmth and realizes he wet his pants. the tears he was holding came spilling out with a whine. he props himself up on his elbows as sobs wrack his small frame. they were laughing so hard at him.

the bullies don’t get much time to laugh as he hears a voice yelling angry korean words. he doesn’t know what the majority mean, but he knew they were threats. the kids were quick to run away in fear, leaving him on the floor. he hears footsteps approaching and looks to see a tall, skinny boy stood there. his hand stretches out toward him. he takes it in his own, trying to wipe falling tears with the other. 

“are you hurt? you hit your head.” the taller speaks softly, in mandarin. minghao looks at him in shock. he’d completely forgotten that his head hit the ground, reaching up to feel his scalp. he shakes his head no. he stares at the ground, embarrassed. hot tears roll down his cheeks. “let me take you to the nurse.”

minghao lets the thin boy lead him down the hall. his tears stop and he finally gets the courage to speak, “are you from china too?” he speaks with ease, finally getting to talk to someone other than his parents in his native tongue. 

“i moved here last year,” he responds with a nod, “i’m junhui. you can call me jun! i’m in second grade. i know you’re minghao.” 

“do you have a superman backpack?” he couldn’t help but ask. junhui smiled and nodded. he promised to show him after school one day and minghao can’t help but smile too. the nurse gives him a change of clothes when they arrive, and junhui waits for him to return. they walk together to minghao’s classroom, talking and holding hands the whole way. 

“thank you junhui” minghao smiles, and lets go of junhui’s hand. 

“don’t thank me. i’ll protect you from now on.” jun grins. the shorter’s heart swells when he hears this. 

“does this mean you’re my friend?” he’s so excited to have the cool kid at school as his friend.

“definitely. best friends!” junhui holds out his pinkie and minghao locks his around it. they say goodbye and promise to find each other on the playground. he opens the door and walks in. he didn’t realize he’d been gone for half an hour.

“mrs. han i lost the bathroom pass.” he realizes and says before he can think. she rushes over and cups his cheeks, worry evident on her face. 

“where were you?! are you okay, minghao, you scared me!” she looks him over, turning him around and finds nothing wrong. 

“i made a new friend, mrs. han his name is junhui, and he made the bullies leave me alone and took me to the nurse and got me these big pants!” he grins, gesturing to his 3 sizes too big shorts, and she squishes his cheek.

“he sounds charming, i’ll have to thank him. he’s a good friend.” she takes him back to his seat and returns to the chalkboard.

“he’s my best friend!”

~

minghao is in seventh grade and he is a loser. that’s what all the other kids say. he’s still best friends with jun, who everybody loves. jun has helped him a lot with his korean so he’s also friends with all of jun’s friends. though he’s in the group of popular kids, others find him easy to pick on. jun tries his best to protect him. 

minghao wipes drool off his face and sits up when the final bell of the day rings. he stuffs his notebooks in his bookbag and slings it over his shoulders, walking into the hallway. a hand on his shoulder turns him.

a group of 6 people stand there, smirking at him. minghao glances around to see if he could find jun anywhere close. 

“he’s not gonna help you, you fucking loser.” a boy grins at him wolfishly, “we’re not gonna hurt you though, not physically.”

“just thought we’d deliver the message you can’t get through your thick skull.” a girl sneers, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“w-what message?” minghao gets backed against the lockers, hoping he doesn’t get hit for anything. he’s gotten 5 black eyes this school year already. 

“jun doesn’t like you, you’re not his friend. he feels bad for you because you’re a baby. he doesn’t have the guts to tell you.” the only person he recognized, eunha, said to him like he was silly. 

minghao blinks once, twice before they leave. he lets himself slide down the lockers. eunha talks with jun sometimes, he must have confided in her. he really is a loser. his best friend doesn’t think of him as a best friend. he feels numb and empty and his chest hurts. he has no protection. 

he lets habit drag him to his feet and out of the double doors. he doesn’t wait up for jun and fishes his headphones out. once his shoes hit the pavement out front, he’s running. the weather matches his mood as it starts to drizzle. he should’ve asked his mom to pick him up. his phone is vibrating in his pocket non-stop.

his house is close to school and he’s there in 5 minutes. he holes himself up in his room, crawling under his blankets. he scrolls through the messages he got on his phone, all of them being jun asking if he was okay or if someone beat him up. he feels like such a pathetic person. jun does just feel bad for him. 

he hears his mom come home but doesn’t move to say hi. he pretends to sleep so she doesn’t bother him. when he opens his eyes, he stares at the pictures and posters on his walls; some hand drawn and others of groups he likes. there’s a framed picture of him and jun at christmas last year hanging over his desk. his heart aches and he wants to cry. 

there’s a soft knock at his door and he stays silent. his mom will leave eventually.

“haohao i know you’re in there, your mom let me in.” jun’s voice floats through the door. minghao feels anxiety pooling in his stomach. he’ll tell him to go away and it’ll go great. he stands to kick jun out and opens the door. he finds himself stepping to the side to let the taller enter his room. _smooth one, minghao ‘tell him to leave’_

“what are you doing here?” minghao questions, not able to look the other in his eyes, instead taking a seat on his bed.

“you didn’t wait for me, or answer my texts. i had to make sure you were alright. you scared me half to death, minghao.” he looks down at him and joins him on the soft mattress.

“don’t act like you actually care, please.” he wrings his hands. the body beside him tenses.

“what are you talki—“

“you don’t like me, you think i’m a loser. junhui just because you’re cool doesn’t mean you have to take me in like some sort of charity case.” he stumbles over his words, emotions getting the better of his tongue. his voice cracks and he tries not to cry. he finds himself rocking to try and comfort himself as he speaks, “i don’t need your pity.”

“xu minghao, don’t be ridiculous. i don’t know where this idea came from but you’ve been my best friend for six years. i spend over 24 hours with you some days, and i tell you everything. there’s never a time when i’m not talking to you. plus grandma would kill me, as well as my mom. you’re their son, too.”

“eunha told me—“

“eunha likes me and is jealous of you. you have my attention most of the time and she wants it to be her.” jun smiles at him, “she’s a snake. i’ll never leave you alone.”

“so you don’t think i’m a loser?” minghao asks. jun reassures him that nothing can come between them and that they will always be best friends. he glances at his walls again, seeing the picture he had drawn in first grade of him playing ball, but he was no longer alone. flying over him, little minghao had drawn jun dressed as superman. he feels the same now as he did then. they lay on the bed and minghao feels alright. he lets junhui play in his hair and drifts off at some point.

“thank you for trusting me.” jun whispers to him before he completely falls asleep.

~

minghao is in 10th grade and he is depressed. there aren’t as many bullies now but the ones that he does have get under his skin. he’s struggling with problems inside his head, and he started a dance class with jun to relieve stress. it only makes him happy in the moment. he doesn’t tell jun about the bullies because he wants to be able to handle it himself. that doesn’t work well either. 

he walks through the halls on the way to the cafeteria, keeping to himself. he looks no one in the eyes as he shuffles to the lunch line. he could feel anxiety bubbling in his chest. they usually leave him be during lunch, choosing to pick on him while alone. this time, though, is different.

“hey faggot, how’s ballet practice going? i don’t know how you’ll find a boyfriend, they’re all girls there.” a boy shouts at him from a table. minghao ignores him, staring straight ahead. he doesn’t want to give in to the insults, it isn’t until he’s freezing cold that he looks up. the boy threw milk on him, yelling, “i’ll kill you, you queer bitch.”

minghao is terrified and embarrassed. he runs from the lunch room in tears, bright red in the face. jun watches the whole thing go down in seconds, fury filling his body. he stands up and rushes the kid who did it to minghao, grabbing him by his collar.

“don’t you think about laying a fucking finger on him, you little bitch. i dare you to try. i really fucking do, because i’ll have your ass knocked out in a second do you under—“ he doesn’t finish because mingyu and seungcheol are holding him back. junhui draws his fist back to throw a punch, but he’s dragged away. he keeps screaming threats. 

soonyoung’s face overtakes his vision, “go find hao, you dumb ass.” the burning in his chest turns into hurt, remembering his best friend. he launches himself from his friends’ arms into the hallway. he runs, checking each room and closet he passes. he yells minghao’s name, worry taking over all his senses. 

“please be okay, hao.” he reaches the farthest end of the school, slowing to a stop. minghao is nowhere and he’s losing his mind. he almost misses it, but he hears a sniffle. in an empty classroom to his left, the door is ajar. he pushes it open and sees his small friend cowering in the corner. he’s soaking and has his head on his knees. 

minghao hears the door close and looks up, thick tears falling down his cheeks. jun makes his way over, falling on his knees in front of him. he sheds his hoodie, handing it to the drenched boy. he pulls minghao’s shirt over his head, letting him put on the warm item. jun hugs him tight to his chest. 

“why are they so mean to me? i only like to dance, i want to be happy. they call me so many names junhui, all for ballet. i didn’t want anyone to know, they assumed for themselves please don’t hate me for being gay i’m sorry.” minghao sobs out, chest heaving. he truly feels self hatred and he’s scared to death that jun will leave him. his throat burns from straining to breathe. he didn’t want to think about his best friends reaction, “i want to die, i wanna kill myself. i don’t want to be here anymore.” 

jun’s heart aches for the boy in his arms. he thought everything had gotten better. he wishes he had known about the hell the bullies in this school had been putting minghao through. he wishes he could’ve helped before they drove him to this point. 

“i could never hate you, hao. not for anything, especially not who you like. ever since i met you, you’ve been my best friend.” jun finds his face wet with tears he didn’t know were falling. he loves the boy in his arms so much, he’s never felt like this before. the pressure in his chest pushes up to his throat and his voice cracks. “you don’t deserve this. please, please don’t go. who am i going to dance with? i need you, ming. please talk to me.” 

“i hate myself every day, i always wondered what was wrong with me. why don’t i feel like everyone else does? why am i different? they say i deserve to die and i believe them and i try but it doesn’t work i always wake up. all the pills don’t work.” hearing that breaks something inside jun. he’s sobbing now, along with minghao. he’s crushing him in his grasp. he can’t stop repeating ‘no’ over and over. 

they had hurt minghao. he could have died. jun is heartbroken and he’s begging minghao to stay, choking on his cries. he feels like he’s failed the 6 year old who he swore to protect. 

minghao feels odd. empty. he’s physically and mentally exhausted. jun is apologizing to him, but he doesn’t know why. “i’m gonna get you h-help, i’m not gonna let you go, i promise i won’t let you hurt anymore. i’m so sorry, baby, i’m sorry.”

~

minghao walks out of school and for the summer he’s a free man. jun is by his side and he’s been doing a lot better than he was. he has regular meetings with a counselor and takes antidepressants. when he doesn’t have an appointment, jun talks to him instead. he has his bad days, but it’s nothing compared to before. 

he’s excited to spend the summer with his friends without having to worry about school. all he has is dance practice, and fun. he and jun stroll down the sidewalk, not going to anywhere in particular until the older speaks up.

“can we go to the bay, haohao?” jun turns his whole body around, walking backwards in front of minghao. he has a big smile on his face and minghao smiles back equally wide. he nods and they make their way through town. it’s mostly silent, the wind blowing his hair out of his face. the smell of salty fresh air blows past them. jun has his hands in his pocket as he wanders alongside minghao. 

“sooooo…” jun starts. minghao gives him a puzzled look, sneakers making contact with the sand from the beach, sinking in a bit. 

“soooo…?” minghao replies, he doesn’t know what the taller is getting at. they wander to the edge of the water, stopping right where the tide comes to rest, “so what?”

“have any summer romance plans?” jun asks nonchalantly, planting his butt in the sand. he avoids minghao’s eyes, who remains standing. minghao brushes it off as jun not wanting to stare into the sun. he sits next to his friend and shrugs. _what is this, some drama or something?_ he thinks to himself. the warm sun and the blush on his cheeks combine, making him break a slight sweat. 

“uh, i dunno, why?” he had a crush, but no plans to act on it, so it wasn’t a total lie. he glances over at jun, the same sun shining on him making him look bright, the wind tustling his hair perfectly. butterflies flutter in his belly, and he clears his throat, “do you?” 

“kinda. like, i like someone but i don’t know if they feel the same.” jun confessed.

minghao’s heart sank. he took a labored breath, releasing it in a sigh. as he thinks back on the past 9 years, he doesn’t remember when he started to like jun. he especially doesn’t remember when he fell in love with him. he also didn’t realize how bad it would hurt when he learned jun doesn’t love him back. tears sting the corners of his eyes but he blinks them away. he’ll deal with anything as long as jun is happy. “well, sometimes you just have to take a leap.”

“and what if they don’t like me back?” jun looks to his left, at minghao. the younger stares straight out into the sea, his eyes squinted to keep the breeze and sun out. a small bitter smile plays on the corner of minghao’s lips as he lets out an equally bitter laugh. 

“anyone would like you, jun.” _even a loser like me_ he adds in his head. 

“so i should just like. kiss them? and see how that goes?” the more jun talks about it, the worse minghao feels, like the universe wants his heart to exist in 17,000 different pieces. 

“that’s one way to do it.” 

“okay.” jun simply said. before he could comprehend it, minghao’s head was being turned by jun’s fingers and a pair of lips caught his. he gasps, the butterflies in his stomach taking off again. his breath leaves, but he doesn’t care. he feels like he’s exploding. it’s pure bliss, the pressure of the hand on his cheek, the kiss, the warmth and the wind. his fingertips tingle, finding purchase in the other boy’s hair. jun drags him closer, and is the first to pull away. he starts peppering minghao’s face with kisses. the shorter feels a laugh bubble up, giggles coming nonstop.

“do you like me?” jun pauses, looking in minghao’s eyes with a grin. the latter’s laugh still rolling, his head falling back. he is overjoyed. he intertwines their fingers and nods.

“god, yes, i do.”

~

minghao leans against jun’s shoulder, and lets out a loud laugh. jun laughs along, nearly rolling backwards off the log bench they were sat on, listening to hansol’s story. the 13 of them were gathered around a bonfire for an end of summer party. 

“so i’m sitting in the back of soonyoung’s car, and i look to my left, and there’s a pair of briefs. with none other than LEE SEOKMIN’S name written on the tag. in his MOM’S HANDWRITING.” hansol finishes, laughing hard at his own tale. the whole circle guffaws and smiles, save for soonyoung and seokmin blushing furiously.

minghao falls silent before everyone else and jun takes notice, “you okay? need to step away for a second?”

“could we?” minghao agrees, and jun shoots a look at seungcheol before standing and walking around the fire. they wander towards the same water they confessed by just a few months ago. 

“what’s up, honey?” jun questions, looking minghao up and down for any sign of distress. discovering nothing on the surface, he squeezes his boyfriend’s hands, “you feeling good?”

“just need to talk to you.” minghao leans forward to press their foreheads together. he runs his thumbs over junhui’s hands, sighing. jun presses a small kiss to his nose, letting go to rub the smaller’s arms. 

“of course, what about?” jun encourages, but the other seems to shrink inward. “is it bad?” 

“no, no! i promise, it’s just… do i do enough for you?” minghao turns his head to look at the ground, not daring to look into junhui’s eyes. there was a long silence, before a very confused ‘what?’ came from jun.

“i mean, you’ve always done so much for me when i’m upset and stuff, i feel like i do nothing for you.” jun immediately understood.

“baby, everything i do for you, you deserve. and you do just as much for me as i do for you. don’t think you’re not as good as me. we’re on the same level. we’re in this together.” jun reassures minghao, making sure he feels secure. the latter nods, and apologizes timidly. “what brings that up?”

“i was looking at seungcheol and jeonghan, and how much they sacrifice for each other, going to different colleges and all that, it feels like i don’t do nearly enough.” he wrings his hands, feeling a little ridiculous. the laughter echoes from their friends behind them, and he’s reminded they’re supposed to be back there having fun, “i’m sorry i’m ruining your good time.”

“you are my good time.” jun smiles at him, a wide toothy grin, and continues, “you do everything i could ever ask for, you are my support system. you don’t have to sacrifice anything for me. as long as you’re happy, i am too.” 

minghao nods again. he leans his head on the older’s shoulder, bringing his arms around his torso. he felt jun’s nose in his hair, lips on his head, and sighed contentedly. he felt at peace and safe, because for as long as he could remember, junhui was his home.

**Author's Note:**

> follow on ig to keep up with me!!
> 
> ig: lovetaeyongie


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